It's time to start...

Okay. So my goal is to change the world one relationship at a time by helping people learn to communicate better, right? Till now, I've done this as an employee within different organizations. But now I've decided to step out on my own because I think I can reach more people this way. Scary? Yes. But I've recently learned about brick walls from Randy Pausch (see previous posting titled: "Learning, only days after first learning, how much I need to learn"), so I'm ready to start. I've seen five clients so far, and have nine more scheduled. That makes me happy.

Interestingly, I've found that I don't have to teach actual skills as much as help people learn more about themselves: their behavioral tendencies, their values & motivators, and whether their behavior matches what they value.

Sometimes, people's behaviors don't match what they value. In other words, they say one thing yet do another. This can be confusing for themselves, and for the people they want to get along with. For instance, if you value helping others, but behave like a dictator, you might feel frustrated when people walk the other way when they see you. However, once you understand your behavioral tendencies and values, and start to 'walk your talk,' you'll feel good about yourself and will seem much more approachable to others.

I like to use the DiSC Personal Profile to help people learn about their behavioral tendencies (it's not a label, just a description of people's tendencies). The letters D I S C stand for: Dominance, Influence, Steadindess, and Compliance and measures the unique blend of these four qualities within you. One tendency isn't better than any other - each simply exists and helps to make you a unique individual. Once people understand their tendencies, their behavior starts to make sense.

I also like to use an assessment called the PIAV, which stands for personal interests (PI), attitudes(A), and values (V) using an assessment. The PIAV identifies the unique forces within you that affect how you behave and how others perceive you. It's important to identify what you value - this helps you to realize whether or not you're on track to achieve things in life that are important to you, and whether your behavior is consistent with what you value. Together with the DiSC, both assessments paint a clearer portrait of who you are and why you do the things you do.

The beauty of the DiSC and the PIAV is that they give people an objective, non-threatening language with which to discuss their own (and each other's) behavior. Of course, this works best if the people you deal with take the assessments, too. I find that this universal language keeps relationships moving in a positive direction. Without it, we often resort to what we're used to hearing or doing like name-calling, stereotyping, blaming, and/or other destructive behaviors. What I've seen is that people who take the DiSC and PIAV love to learn about themselves and are eager to use this new knowledge to improve their relationships both on, and off, the job.

So, the next few sessions will be a great learning experience for me - and, I hope for my clients.

Learning (only days after first learning) how much I need to learn...

Just when I felt sufficiently martyr-like after creating my first post, I came upon this guy: Randy Pausch, a 46-year-old professor of Computer Science at Carnegie Melon University who gives the "Lecture of a Lifetime"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQtwEKlUutA&feature=related

He isn't just writing about his desire to make the world a better place before he dies, he's actually DOING it...has been all his life, in fact, and will continue to do so right up till the end, which could be just six months away if his doctors are right. You won't pick up a bit of self-pity in his talk, though. It's all about making the most of what time we have on earth - leaving things a bit better than what we found them when we arrived. Simply amazing.

I plan to watch the whole thing again with the hope that even a smidgen of his hope, vision, optimism, and energy rub off on me. One thing, among MANY, that he said which really resonated with me: "the brick walls are there to show us how badly we want something." I've been my biggest brick wall.

Learning that I have so much more to learn.

Growing up, I thought that adults knew everything and that I would eventually know everything, too. Oh boy was I wrong! What amazes me, though, is how damned much I have yet to learn - and I'm already 43!

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed and disheartened by it all - especially during times when I say something stupid in front of a group of people, or when I'm chewing gum and mistakenly bite the inside of my lip (I mean, how goofy do you have to be to bite the inside of the same mouth you've had for 43 years, for God's sake?). During those times I wonder just how many more dumb things I'll do between now and, say, the age of 90. I don't even want to know the answer.

I wonder, too, if I'll get to be a better person than I am today? At what point will I learn not to pout to get my way with my husband? When will I learn to hold my temper so my kids will have a calm role-model to emulate? Will I ever be confident enough to acknowledge and pursue what I'm great at so I can share it with the world and leave behind a legacy? If I can't even learn how not to bite my own lip, how in the heck am I going to learn to be more patient, generous, wise, and all those things we expect old people to be?

Well, they say that acknowledging your problem is half the battle, so perhaps I'm a little farther along than I give myself credit for.