Learning (only days after first learning) how much I need to learn...

Just when I felt sufficiently martyr-like after creating my first post, I came upon this guy: Randy Pausch, a 46-year-old professor of Computer Science at Carnegie Melon University who gives the "Lecture of a Lifetime"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQtwEKlUutA&feature=related

He isn't just writing about his desire to make the world a better place before he dies, he's actually DOING it...has been all his life, in fact, and will continue to do so right up till the end, which could be just six months away if his doctors are right. You won't pick up a bit of self-pity in his talk, though. It's all about making the most of what time we have on earth - leaving things a bit better than what we found them when we arrived. Simply amazing.

I plan to watch the whole thing again with the hope that even a smidgen of his hope, vision, optimism, and energy rub off on me. One thing, among MANY, that he said which really resonated with me: "the brick walls are there to show us how badly we want something." I've been my biggest brick wall.

Learning that I have so much more to learn.

Growing up, I thought that adults knew everything and that I would eventually know everything, too. Oh boy was I wrong! What amazes me, though, is how damned much I have yet to learn - and I'm already 43!

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed and disheartened by it all - especially during times when I say something stupid in front of a group of people, or when I'm chewing gum and mistakenly bite the inside of my lip (I mean, how goofy do you have to be to bite the inside of the same mouth you've had for 43 years, for God's sake?). During those times I wonder just how many more dumb things I'll do between now and, say, the age of 90. I don't even want to know the answer.

I wonder, too, if I'll get to be a better person than I am today? At what point will I learn not to pout to get my way with my husband? When will I learn to hold my temper so my kids will have a calm role-model to emulate? Will I ever be confident enough to acknowledge and pursue what I'm great at so I can share it with the world and leave behind a legacy? If I can't even learn how not to bite my own lip, how in the heck am I going to learn to be more patient, generous, wise, and all those things we expect old people to be?

Well, they say that acknowledging your problem is half the battle, so perhaps I'm a little farther along than I give myself credit for.