Gals and goals...

Our book club is a collection of amazing women who came together last year after a chance encounter at a local Starbucks. Our common link: we’re all, unapologetically, Moms.

Aside from that, some of us are former military members, ultrasound techs, fitness instructors, reporters, coaches, counselors, artists, business owners, decorators...all very diverse, with much to share.

Our self-imposed assignment this month was a deviation from our normal monthly book-reading. We agreed to bring in something we learned from the internet.

I took a leap and, at the risk of seeming self-promoting, I brought in an entry I made in my relatively new blog. I did this for two reasons: first, because I’m in the process of learning about blogs by actually creating one, so I thought the process might be interesting to share. Second, I wanted to talk about goal-setting since it’s been on my mind so much lately, so I brought my entry from January 13th, titled “Have You Listed the Top 110 Things You Want to do Before you Die?” On the back of the entry, I pasted several of the goals that appear in the right-hand margin of my blog.

I wondered whether the idea of listing the “Top Things You Want to do Before you Die” would get people talking, and was pleased to find that it did. In fact, the rest of our meeting was consumed by the topic.

I witnessed my friends come alive with the scent of possibility. Their eyes flashed as their imaginations soared into realms I suspect many had not ventured in a while. I saw sly smiles as they reached into their hearts and, in conspiratorial tones, laid bare dreams they hadn’t shared with anyone in years.

But just as quickly as it appeared, the spark seemed to quell as reality set in:

“Writing my goals would just make me frustrated if I couldn’t achieve them...and I can’t achieve them because there are too many demands on me as a Mom!”

It was as if they experienced Paradise, took a bite from Eve’s apple, saw their fate, and forlornly banished all hope of ever returning to the Garden of Eden.

Oddly, I’d felt the same way when I created my list. I remember thinking,

"Dreams for myself? Isn't that selfish? Shouldn’t I be thinking of someone else instead? And who IS this person otherwise known as “Mom,” “Honey,” friend, volunteer, shopper, chauffeur, housekeeper, and cook? Where did her dreams go? Better yet, where did even the concept of dreaming go?"

With superhuman effort, I pushed the whining aside and wrote my list, but afterwards I felt embarrassed that it sounded so boring!

“Learn to embrace silence?”
“Accept challenges with grace?”
“Run a 5-K in 24 minutes?”

I mean, if this is a flight of fantasy, where was the sexiness? Where was the “climb Mount Everest,” or “parachute from an airplane?”

Then it dawned on me that I actually might have grown during this always challenging, sometimes difficult, journey. By working to be a good mom, wife, friend, community member – and despite fearing that I’d lost myself along the way – I found that I’d actually become a better self. A new, improved, stronger self. One who can appreciate little things and realize how little I need in life to be happy. Who’s to say that my “Mount Everest” isn’t overcoming “my aversion to running in cold weather?”

Okay, so I added the PhD & UN Committee in lieu of extreme sports but, hey, one can dream, right? And if I never attain these things, the very act of making my list helped me to realize that I'm doing just fine.

I really hope that the next time we meet, my dear friends at book club will dare to dream - and share - lists of their own...